Ultimate happiness.

How unfair life may seem to be
People being persecuted for their believes
For who they are
Life doesn't give you anything you can't handle.

Don't accept this as your faith
FIGHT.
Everybody has to fight to be free
So put up that fight
and I promise you
You'll come out stronger
and so much wiser
than before.

There's a lesson in everything
Find that lesson
Be open for it
Learn it
and you will find

ultimate happiness.

Puddle of mud

So much negative energy
god i cannot comprehend
believe me
if i say i wish i could
but i'm trying
really hard
to understand you
and your motives
but honestly
i can't.

everybody deals different with a loss
that's human
it's hard -i cannot even imagine- to loose someone
you've been together with for 50 years
minus a month.
it's your right to feel angry
it's your right to feel lonely
but it's not your right to be so self centered
egoistic
hateful

only talking shit about others
pressing their faces in the dirt
smuthering them
how hard they try to lift their faces
with one hand only
you press them in the mud
harder and harder

while he was the sick one
in so much pain
it was a relieve for him to die
knowing he would come home
to something so shiny
so peaceful
unearthy.

His suffering was so bad
He just couldn't take it anymore
You used to acknowledge this
say it over and over again
but now
now you're the one
we should feel sorry for
you have been through so much
poor woman
people should do anything for you
on your command
just because it's you.

people have to crawl harder and harder
through the mud
to satisfy your hunger
the pool gets bigger
the crawling gets harder
and just when they finally managed
with all their power to lift their heads from the dirt
you throw them back in
even harder
pushing them even further.

Those people should fight.
Fight to get out of the mud.
Shake it off.
Walk around the puddle.
Do what's good for them
Say how they feel
Say they did not like residing in the mud
But they're afraid to speak up
Cuz they're the only ones you have
Just because it's not done.
Afraid to leave you all alone
So they abide
and crawl
and slide further and further away
in your puddle of mud.

Christmas.

Christmas brings along
so many memories
I've had so much fun with my friends
Hanging out
having fun
trespassing

I've met this awesome girl
who knows more about me
than anyone else
I'm so grateful I've met her.

I fell in love
We dated
My very first relationship.
You screwed it up
You treated me in a way
god i'd never wish one anyone
But I'm the bad person
By treating you in a way
god i'd never wish on anyone
what goes around
comes around

I've met a great bunch of people
I'm so thankful for meeting them
and I love them
Whenever I'm down
they cheer me up
whenever i want to talk
they'll listen.

Then my grandpa died
and i didn't seem to feel anything
i'm confused
my heart isn't made from stone...right?

I met this cute chick
I'm thankful for meeting
She barely knows me
but I like thinking about her
her and me
together.

Christmas
tomorrow
b-o-r-i-n-g!
I'll watch some gangsta movie
drink my wine
and hope it's over before I know it.

Who knows what next year will bring
I hope some more
joy and happiness
less
fights and sadness

who knows
maybe next christmas
will be a cheery one
me and my loved one
just as it's supposed to be.

Christmas.

With those days of joy
and happiness
people all over the world
come together
no matter
what color
what race
what sexual preference
people feel like one
all the people
from all over the world
are one.

those days have to be celebrated
with the ones you love the most.
But what if you haven't found them yet?

Tonight

I want to be with you
Surrender all in you
Tonight.

I want to make love to you
Feel your warm arms around me
Tonight.

I want to smell your breath
Feel your warm breath
Tonight.

I want to see you
I want to be with you
Tonight.

I want to drown in your eyes
Forget about the world surrounding me
Tonight.

I want to hear your heartbeat
Feel your hand in mine
Tonight.

I want to dream the impossible
You and me together
Tonight.

Happiness is a choice.

Most people say
they are happy
when they've married
their girl or guy
settled down
have a family
nice little house
children
grandchildren
staying together
til death do its part

this is way beyond
my idea
of happiness
After only seeing you
yesterday night
no talking touching
let alone kissing
this peace filled my chest
i couldn't care less
about the world
surrounding me.
i just wanted
to stay in that moment
standing there
watching you

why have so many goals
to reach complete happiness
while it's so fucking easy
to be happy
happiness is a choice
not something
that just happens.

Small me, humble me

Small me
I'd conquer my fear
and talk to you
to anyone

Small humble me
seemed so spontaneous
but when we'd talk
i'd quickly
turn away
my head

Small me
would look even smaller
by dropping my head
avoiding your eyes
afraid of what I would see

love
hate

i'd give anything
to drown in your eyes
to get lost in your eyes
but i'm so afraid
afraid of what?

while we sit next to each other
so close to each other
i can feel your breath
caressing my neck
occasionally
we talk
but I keep avoiding your eyes

small me
humble me
it's time i lift my head
look up
and see what i've been missing
out on for so long

it's time that
small me
humble me
starts
drowing in your eyes
getting lost in your eyes.
it's time
i open my eyes.

you can talk a 1,000 words
but that look in your eyes-
i've been missing out on
for so long-
will tell me what you're really thinking
really saying
that look
will tell me all.

I'm proud of me.

The red carpet
was lying there
just for me it seemed.

The Christmas ball
was excellent.
Just a few friends
10 or so in total
all dressed up beautifully.
Only my second ever
wearing a dress.
I felt like a goddess.
I could already imagine
me
walking on that famous carpet
photographers all around me
yeah i have a big imagination.

but as the night went by
more and more wine we drunk
and the more serious our conversations got.

This was one of the few times
I was opening up to my friends
every single one of them
a mile stone.
I am learning you see?
It took my 16 years
to open up
to the people I love
But I did it.
I shared my inner feelings
Told them how I thought
about my situation
and my future plans.
To others
this may seem as nothing special
but to me
this was special
something
i won't regret
nor forget.



I'm proud of myself.

I failed on me.


The touch of your hands
was so brand new
Your smell while sitting next to me
was so brand new

you were so fucking close
and yet I let you go
afraid to speak
afraid to act stupid
i let you go.

you're a shy girl
i knew you don't say much
in general
and since I wanted you
I'd have to start the conversation
and show my interest in you.

I failed.
I failed.
I failed.

You were even closer than before
We sat there
cheek to cheek
You could touch me
feel me
love me
heal me

But why would you?
What do you know about me?
To you I'm just an
average school girl
who's being nice to your teammates
You're so much more to me
I never really believed
in love at first sight
But now I do
Since the first time I saw you
I was hypnotized
Captivated
by you.

I could have gotten you
interested in me
By showing my interest
in you.
It would have been

one tiny step closer to heaven.

But I didn't.

I failed on me.
I failed on me.
I failed on me.
I failed on me.
I failed on me.......

It made my day.

It was just a simple email
I got from you
Sent you a funny reply
Saw you
a coupla days later
you told me
how you had appreciate it
and that it had made your day
just a supposed-to-be funny remark
made your day
hearing that
made my day.

What goes around comes around.....?

She used to be sweet
loving
caring
always wanted to help others out
Always believed
what comes around
goes around
so she tried to be nice
sweet
loving
caring to others
no matter how they treated her.
Although it's hard to try to
not ignore
the person who ignores you
it may be difficult
to reach out a hand
to the most self centered person
on the Earth.
But she did.
Sometimes she'd get a
thank you
and it made her blush
most of the time she'd hear
nothing though
but she kept being
nice
kept being
sweet
kept being
caring
kept being
helpful.

Why is our world
so twisted
so inside out
upside down
that the most
self centered
egoistic
asocial people
get everything they want
while the sweet loving caring
people
seem to be forgotten
treated as dirt?
Sometimes it's hard
to believe

in karma.

A complete stranger.

The first time I saw you
I swear to God
it was magic
Saw you a couple more times
More and more magic

I fell for you
the very first time I saw you
Didn't know you
Didn't even know your name
But there was something magic 'bout you
You drew my attention immediately

I got to learn your name
Bit by bit
I got to learn more about you

Yesterday I saw you again
After what seemed an eternity
Yesterday
the very first time you touched me
You didn't mean anything by it
It was just something casual
"Too bad you didn't succeed
next time better" it meant
But to me it meant so much more
than those casual words

I can still feel the touch
of your warm tender hands
touching mine
That already made my day
I never even thought of
you touching me
The two of us
sharing the same drink

I went home
said goodbye
wished you a nice weekend
you responded
"Thanks for helping us out
You have a great weekend too

Laura."

Dang
I had NEVER expected that.
You, who were so close
but yet so far away
knew my name!

I know it will probably
stay that way.
Yeah we'll have some
casual conversations
a few more times
and that will be it.

You'll go home
to your nice and warm place
to your loved one

I'll go home
to my little cold and black
attic room
to the persons
I'm supposed to love
But inside
it's just
me
alone.

I don't care right now.
At least you know something
about me.
You know my name.

At least
all the trying
was not in vain.
I'm not a complete stranger
to you anymore.

Wow this song totally hit the spot today. It couldn't be more right! Seriously, dude, I could have written it!!!

My life is brilliant
My love is pure
I saw an angel
of that I'm sure
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

(James Blunt- You're beautiful)

Someone has to clear the path

It seemed so unfair
My folks are so protective
I can't do nothing
But you
You can do stuff
I could only dream of
when I was your age.
It seems so unfair
Why?
Why you?
Why not me?
But hey,
someone has to clear the path
and since I had no one
to do it for me
I do it for you.

I had a dream.

I had a dream
late last night
early this morning
however you want to call it

i dreamt the impossible
i dreamt of you and me
you and me
together

both a bit shy
i broke the ice
-yeah right
as if i would ever do that-
we started talking
caressed each other's skin
looked into eachother's eyes
we both knew this was right
and i couldn't help
but my lips curled
and so did yours
right then
we knew it was right
we knew
this was how we were
supposed to be.

i woke up
looked around me
where was i?
i was still smiling
i know it is right
i know that that dream showed
how we are
supposed to be.

Let it be so.

I used to believe
I used to believe in me
I used to believe in God

I still believe in myself
Perhaps even more than I did before
But I don't believe in God
no more

I used to pray 5 times a day
at least
Never was public about it tho
Nobody but me
knew about my faith
in God above.

But did I
did I really believe in higher powers
or did I just
try to find
something
someone
to blame
for my mistakes?

After 9 months
or so
I realized
I didn't really believe
in this higher power
I did seek something
someone
to blame for my mistakes
But what good does it do
Knowing it's not your fault
but somebody else's?
That somebody else
doesn't make your life
the way it should be
that somebody else
is not in control of your life
You are
and you make your life
the way it should be
you are in control of your life
and if that means
you are responsible
for everything you do
the only one to blame is you,
then let it be so.

Everybody has to fight to be free
and when you've found your freedom,
that's the most important of all
CHERISH
your freedom

that means
you are responsible
for everything you do
the only one to blame is you,
let it be so.

Support

A bit of support
would have been nice
why do you always
have to bring me down
when i'm enthousiastic
about something?

if you don't agree
with my ideas
that's okay
that's your right
but you could just say that
and i would be okay with it
most likely i wouldn't agree with it
but i'd be okay with your opinion

instead you just say
i can't do it
i shouldn't do it

i don't need your help
but a little support would be nice
i want to be as independent
as possible
but no one can ever be
totally independent

you want to keep me from mistakes
don't want me to fail
understandable
but one doesn't learn
from being kept away
from experience
never being able to fail

no one can be happy
if you don't know sadness
no one can be cheerful
If they have never been depressed
No one can ever live life to the fullest
enjoy life to the fullest
if they haven't experienced negativity

how hard you try
you can't keep from negativity
life can be a bitch sometimes
but we learn from it!

we learn most from mistakes
let me make my own mistakes
let me learn a lesson from them
let me sort out my mistakes
and support me
in whatever decision i make
for i think
it is the right one.

Predestined.

We were the same
felt the same
the same situation
happened
for both of us

funny
how different
the impact was
on your life
and on my life

i felt pathetic
they thought i was pathetic
no one to blame them
never got close to him
and when i look back
i'm glad we never got together
i changed
i'm the different.

you felt pathetic too.
but you continued talking to them
laughing with them
meeting them
you did get close to them
fell in love with them
dated them.
you're so happy now
you didn't change.
you stayed you.

Do you think
that all this was predestined?

Never the same.

We grew up the same way.
Both shy, blond girls
Sweet, not very attractive
when it came to looks tho.

We changed the same way.
I dyed my hair red.
And so did you.
You started drinking
and so did I.
I started dating some guy
and so did you.

But since time went by
we continued changing the same way.
in a totally different direction tho.
I changed drastically
my view on life changed
my view on religion changed
my view on me changed
you formed a band
fell in love with a guy
who wanted to hate things
just because everyone
likes them
you fell in love with an other guy
sweet guy, i'm sure
you copied a lot of their ideas tho
You didn't like things
Just because others, mainstream folks
did like them.

I was like that too for a while
But I opened my eyes
Who cares
who like sumthin
and why
I like it.
I found out my truth
The meaning of my existance.

You're a great friend
But you have changed.
I have changed.
We will never be the same again.

Disappointments.

Disappointments.
I'll have to live with them.

You are magic.

Baby, baby, baby
From the day I saw you
I really really want to catch your eye
There's something special 'bout you
I must really like you
Cuz not a lotta guys are worth my time
Ooh baby baby baby
It's getting kind of crazy
Cause you're taking over my mind
And it feels like oooooooooooh
But you don't know my name
And I swear it feels like ooooooooooooooh
You don't know my name
(round and round we go, will you ever know)
(alicia keys- you don't know my name)

Everytimes I see you
Ooh babe
My mind goes crazy
I don't know what to do
or what to say
You are magic

Everytime I see you
Ooh babe
Chills run thru my body
I don't know how to look
how to behave
you are magic

Everytime I see you
Ooh babe
My heart makes a little jump
At the same time it aches
you don't know my name
But you are magic

Everytime I see you
I dream of us
While there is no "us"
You don't know my name
you never will
but baby
you are magic