I don't love her like I love my ex.

It's been 3 months and 1 week now
and I thought I was over her
Judging by the way she's treated me
I do not want her back at all
But I miss her so much...
I still love her

Apparently our life together
didn't mean that much to her
But it sure as hell did mean a lot
to me
And it hurts whenever she puts pictures
of the two of them on her FB
or talks about how awesome her gf is
and what a fantastic weekend they've had together
It hurts
and makes me cry
Cuz I just don't understand
what I've done wrong
Why she couldn't be happy with me

She was my everything
My past, my present, my future
She was going to be my wife
the mother of my children
now she's degraded to my ex
who doesnt even have the time
to go out for a drink with me
"Maybe next month, when I'm back from vacation"
Sure, rub it in
The vacation the two of you already planned
When you were still mine.

I'm so angry at her
that it's difficult to admit it
I have mixed feelings,
but I love her.
I miss her.
I want to be with her.


God I thought I was through with her.
I'm in a new relationship
with a really sweet girl
But I don't love her
Not like I love my ex.
It's the most complex person I've ever met
who has been through more shit
than most people do in a life time
She's fragile
I can't run away from her
Scared she might do something stupid.
I really like being with her
Spending time together
I mean, seriously, my sex life has not been
this good before
But I don't love her
lke I love my ex.

I never thought I'd say this, but

I want her back.

Blind.

On January 18th I wrote:

"Now this split is not in the public eye
nor did she cheat on me
so i can't even begin to understand the pain you're in
But I just want to let you know

You're not alone.
It does get better."

God how stupid I was
I chose to look away
But I see it brightly now

She totally did cheat on me
And I do know how you must be feeling now.

I should have known better.

We broke up January 4th 2011
I moved out the 8th
The light was already shining so bright
But I chose not to see it
Blinded as I was by my pain

Six weeks later anger replaced the pain
As I finally saw the light
in retrospective
Well, she shined it in my face really
Sharing her new love on FB
Not bothering to inform me until three days later
Her best friend
My friend
Ironic really, she was the one I turned to after the break up
She was the one I begged to talk to my ex on my behalf
While she was already screwing her behind my back

The only vow we ever made was to be honest with each other
No matter how much it would hurt
I asked her over and over again
"Is there something else? Is there someone else?"
Constant denial
She was nothing like the person I fell in love with before
And, how much I tried, I just could not comprehend
How could this be the person I wanted to marry, have kids with, grow old with?
Not even interested in fighting for our relationship
She just said it was over, nothing could change her mind
And the next day, she was feeling "fine" while I felt like my heart had been ripped out
Just because someone else was waiting for her
Her best friend
Well, good luck together, I guess.

I thought I was over her
As I landed in bed with a good looking colleague
Again and again
She's even my gf now since a week or 5
But she can't make me feel the things my honey made me feel
I do not love her like I loved my ex

I was quite shocked
When I found out yesterday

That I'm still in love with my ex