we're getting somewhere.

When I do my shoppings I usually go to this tiny shopping centre a block away from my home. On the way there, I always cross this church. As I went there to get some cigarettes yesterday, I noticed this big rainbow flag, saying 'peace' (in dutch) hanging in front of the church. I've walked around with a huge smile on my face all day.

I do!

oh and

I FEEL GOOD! tahdahdahdahdahdahdah

I do!

I wanna see the rainbow high in the sky
I wanna see you and me on a bird flying away
Then I hope to see your smile
Every night and day

(taken from: Starsplash- Rainbow in the sky)

Dealing with the consequences

So I came out to my mom a couple of weeks ago. I had come out to a friend earlier that night and I felt incredibly strong and proud by that, so I thought "what the heck? i'm gonna tell my mom now as well". I figured I would tell her and go home straight after (had to catch my bus!) but obviously that never happenend. I stayed and we talked and talked.
She didn't take it as easy as I thought she would. She said she had known (as did everybody else I told) but that she had hoped it would have been different and that she "had to adjust the mental future picture she had created". Ouch. But she delt with it fairly well. The first week or so, she tried to push me into coming out to my brother, felt offended for telling her last (of which i'm glad i did, btw) and made jokes about my sexuality on every possible occasion. That was her way of dealing with it and she didn't disinherit me or anything , so I can't complain. That was three weeks ago.
Now, she has more or less accepted it, which happened pretty fast, if you ask me.
We went shopping this afternoon and for some reason we ended up talking about kids. She told me it would be very hard for her to think of the child a future partner MIGHT conceive, as her grandchild. Ouch, God, I love her honesty..
So yeah, I know it's far away and possibly won't be like this when it comes to it after all, but still I'm kind of confused. I don't know if I should be happy with the way she's taking it.
At least, all the other people who mean the world to me, know and accept me. They still love me (I think ;) ).

so not even interesting

Mood swings
one moment you feel fine
and the next you feel like the whole world is onto you
so if i was like
having menopause that would explain a lot
but right now i just hate it
i feel fucked up
and i want to go out
but, of course, all my friends have plans
so now i'm stuck
at my parents' place
probably staying here over night
or i might go home still
i dunno
i'd really like to go out and dance
and drink
preferably with a hot chick
or with a good friend
but they're all either sick, on vacation or simply late.
fuck it.
i wanna do something.

I feel fine, I feel fii-iiiiiiiiii-ne

People talk
Friends talk
Somehow
when you tell them something
they need to tell it to someone too
to keep the circle going
and so it got much bigger
than i originally intended to.

Poster child

I first heard about A Balladeer when they played as Sarah Bettens support act in Vredeburg Leidsche Rijn, Utrecht, in May. I thought they were pretty good; nothing special, but good. Then they introduced this new song, called 'Poster Child' about the hate crime murder on Matthew Shepard. It had been a long time since I had been touched by a song like this.


(lyrics by A Balladeer)

the smell of the sagebrush reaches your brain
the scent of the pines from the snow covered range
you came out tonight there in search of a friend
well, the Wyoming wind wants to play with your bangs

hang on, handsome
we are going to get you out of here quick
hang on, handsome
just wait and watch out for the bicyclist

the sun it goes down now for a second black night
it’s you in the outskirts, not a soul here in sight
the beautiful sky as your last piece of hope
the same moon and stars that you saw through the telescope

hang on, handsome
we are going to get you a new pair of shoes
hang on, handsome
the bicyclist he will know what to say and do

Gay man fights for life after homophobic attack

By 365gay Newscenter Staff
09.04.2008 4:19pm EDT

(London) Three teenagers are in police custody following a vicious unprovoked attack in East London that has left a gay man in hospital fighting for his life.

The 20-year old victim, whose name is being withheld by police for his protection, was stabbed seven times.

The attacked occurred as the man and his female friend were walking towards a gay-friendly bar. Police said five teens swarmed the victim and the woman. They yelled homophobic taunts at the man, before beating him over the head with a bottle and then stabbing him in the back and torso.

He was rushed to Royal London hospital where he underwent emergency surgery and was listed Thursday in serious condition.

Investigators are continuing to search for two other teens involved in the attack. They said that the teens could be charged with attempted murder, but that could be upgraded to murder if the victim succumbs to his injuries.

“What we’re concentrating on is tracking down and bringing to justice the people who committed this evil crime,” Det. Insp. Howard Way told the local newspaper The East London Advertiser.

It was the 47th homophobic attack in East London in the past 12 months.

Local politicians appealed for calm in the area’s substantial gay community, as demands for greater police protection rose on Thursday.

“This is a sickening and vile assault,” said George Galloway, the Member of Parliament for the area.

“A near fatal knife attack on a defenseless man is horrific enough. The fact that this also appears to be a homophobic hate crime compounds the evil.”

Coming out- part 5

The circle is completed.

Hadewych: check
Marlijn: check
Lizzie: check
Derek: check
Remy: check
Nathalie: check
Olga: check

Salomy: check
Febe: check
Nienke: check
Lianne: Check
Inge: Check
Simone: Check
Saskia: Check
Marianne: Check
Maaike: Check
Mom: check
Tommie: check