Walking a long, dark road with no end in sight.

You'd think the Earth would have mercy on her
after all the shit she's been through.
But no,
the bottom of the bottle Life threw at her
is not yet in sight.

I would not have believed it when someone would say
how hard it is to see someone you love suffer
I have known her all my life
she and my mom went to high school together,
and I always characterised her as everything I was not:
strong, peaceful, and with a wonderful support network.
She seemed so incredibly strong
after having fought through more shit on her own
than you and I could probably handle together.

Her incredible husband died
when she had barely given birth to their son
she had to raise two kids
with a youth trauma in her head
while grieving over her beloved husband.

She seemed so strong
But even the strongest person needs to break and fall sometimes
Yet her fall doesn't seem to end.

She's falling and falling...

A. , my heart aches for you.

Screwed

When life comes to an end
and you don't know when it began
ur so screwed

The ring of peace

THE RING OF PEACE
IF YOU BELIEVE IN HOPE
AND THE NEED FOR PEACE
STEP UP AND RING THE BELL
SO IT WILL SING
FOR THE PROMISE OF TOMORROW

by Chris Navarro

jesus fucking christ

Jesus fucking christ.
jesus fucking christ.


"The anti-gay Westboro Baptist Church of Kansas, led by Fred Phelps, picketed Shepard's funeral as well as the trial of his assailants,displaying signs with slogans such as "Matt Shepard rots in Hell", "AIDS Kills Fags Dead" and "God Hates Fags". When the Wyoming Supreme Court ruled that it was legal to display any sort of religious message on city property if it was legal for Casper's Ten Commandments display to remain, Phelps made attempts to gain city permits in Cheyenne and Casper to build a monument "of marble or granite 5 or 6 feet in height on which will be a bronze plaque bearing Shepard's picture and the words: "MATTHEW SHEPARD, Entered Hell October 12, 1998, in Defiance of God's Warning: 'Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind; it is abomination.' Leviticus 18:22."


jesus fucking christ..
i cry
i cry
i cry.......................






www.matthewshepard.org

Running away from me......as fast as I can.....illusions....

I keep on telling them the same story time and time again. Whenever someone asks how I am doing I just say something like "Oh..fine...I guess." Doubtful and sad enough for people to start asking questions; yet not too frustrating and tearjerking enough for people to start thinking I'm depressed. I want to talk about how I feel and what's going on with me; heck if I even could I'd scream my lungs out!! It's just that I can't say it. I just can't say the words. I'm not sure why, but I just can't get the words out of my mouth.
So most of the time I just keep it vague. "Truth is, a lot of things have happened to me lately and my health is not that well, so I'm not feeling all that good, mentally and physically." Most of the time that's my answer. And people understand....or so they think.

I am craving for this special thing, this LOVE. But how can I possibly love someone (or how can someone love me?) when I don't even love myself? Everyday I say to myself "Acceptance is the key. Love yourself", but that's easier said than done. I try, Lord knows I try so hard.

I keep thinking; some day when I'm outta here and living happily in the USA with all kinds of new people surrounding me, then I will be able to speak my truth and say who I really am. That's what I keep saying to myself and I believe it. Without that thought I could probably not survive.
Yet the more I keep saying this to myself, the more I start to realize my whole future image is an illusion. It won't be easier when I live somewhere else! The problem is exactly the same, I just relocated it!!

But I keep believing...believing...believing...

For I will not surive

without the illusion that I can run away from myself.

One step closer

I used to feel so insecure. I used to think I looked so ugly, I used to think I dressed like a cow and I used to think everyone would be staring at my ugliness. I used to think I was fat, had an ugly skin and that I looked as pale as a corpse.

Step by step
I'm coming closer to my truth
I'm coming closer to ME
The me I thought I had found years ago
Guess what? I was wrong

Truth is of the people by the people for the people

My truth is of me by me for me

and what others think, really doesn't matter. At all.

Whenever I think I look nice, I look nice.
Whenever I think I dress nice, I dress nice.
When I think I'm cute and hot, guess what? I AM!!


By learning this lesson I got one step closer to ME. There's still a long way to go, but it's good to know that I'm walking in the right direction. It's good to know I am learning and making progress.

I am one step closer to truth, to peace. And I am enjoying the ride a lot as I am finding Peace. Step by step.

When you dance you can really love

I wrote this a while ago. I'm still feeling this way; heck if only things could change that fast..but I'm working on it and I think I can say I'm changing for the positive. I have my backfalls tho, but I think I can proudly say, I am changing.

I need the confirmation
that I am a normal girl
I want to be liked- I can't say no
But how can I expect others
to love me
when I can't even love myself?
I know I seem strange
If I were you I'd think
so
I'm so insecure
I have the need to triple check
every important thing I say or do
just so I won't be wrong.
I need to be perfect
to be liked well enough-
there goes spontanity...
I don't like myself much
yet I need everyone else to like me
what a contradiction..


When you dance you can really love
it's just that I hate dancing

-peaceofmind, August 31 2007