Ok, so I was wrong

When we didn't believe in you
You kept believing in yourself
Girl, you were right

Search for happiness

It was a sort of saying goodbye
but it felt like a warm welcome.
It was the last chapter
of the very first book about my life.
We gathered
barbecued
had fun
felt good.
i haven't had such fun in quite a while
or not with them guys and gals anyway
It was a sort of saying goodbye
since we'll only see each other 3 or 4 other times
this year
and then
it's goodbye, good luck
and each of us
will walk his or her true path
in his
or her
search for happiness.

Speak your mind

Sometimes life
throws so much shit at you
you barely know
how to deal with it
and you tend to
turn to yourself
more and more
afraid of saying the words
but saying them in your head
time and time again

I do not remember the person
from whom I learned those wise words,
but
sometimes it's better to say the truth
than to say nothing at all.

The Different.

Everyday
In every little thing
it's get comfirmed

I am The Different.

Fragile state of mind

Having dinner with my friends
Playing sports with my friends
Partying with my friends
I value those days, hours, minutes we spend together
Finally I've found people who appreciate
the kind of person I am.
Stop-
I forgot to add:
the kind of person I am
on the outside
They like the
superficial me.
This meant a lot to me
as the people whom I thought of as my friends
couldn't even like
my superficial me
so I hid it
I hid a part of me
to be liked by the people I liked.
Yet a year ago
I realized that
I actually liked that
superficial part of me
and I realized it was bullshit
to hide that side from the people
I didn't really see as friends anyway
An old friendship relives
they like
the outer me
and for quite some time
that was enough.

Yet now
I feel my soul craving for more
Acceptance
from the people I do really like
the people I love and care so much about.

Yesterday night
we had dinner at one of our homes
we sat outside in the garden
talking about everything
everyone's opinion mattered
and I couldn't help but wondering
would they still like me
if I showed a side of me
they hadn't seen yet?
if I showed a part of me
that nobody has ever seen before?
I can't help but feeling like
I carry this huge, dark secret in my soul
while that's so not what it is!
I just need that confirmation so badly
yet I don't want to take the risk
of losing my loved ones
and i guess I'm afraid of
seeing this side of myself
that I've hid so lang
for myself as well.

I hate to admit it.
I'm so scared.

..everything will be alright...everything will...

No
please

not again.....




sometimes
civilization
seems so far away..


it confuses me...


it scares me...



it bothers me...



please tell me
that it won't be the same way for me..



please..........................

Believe in yourself.

Believe in yourself
in the strength you have
the power which leads you through life
through good and through bad times.

Believe in the hidden qualities everybody
has and which will lead you the right way.


Believe in tomorrow and what that day will bring and
try to be positive
because when you look to life in a positive way
there are no boundaries to your abilities.

-author unknown

..the future starts today..

My little brother
is not so little anymore
While he's supposed to be
growing into adulthood
it seems like he's
becoming a child again.
he acts so fucked up
and as hard as i try to teach him
he's not ready to learn just yet.
I feel so powerless.

It's just that-
sometimes I think-
when he meets someone
who falls in love with him
I just hope he won't treat that person
the same way he treats me.
Yeah I'm his big sister
and I love him very much
I just want to teach him what's best
but maybe he needs to find out himself
he doesn't need me anymore.
That's the truth
it's harsh
but it's the truth.

So all I can do
is hope that he's smart enough
to be willing to learn
to love the people who love him
to stop being so self centered
and to live a good
and honest life.

Finally..?!

April 5
I'm happy
and I feel good
and without even realizing it
I have a huge smile across
my face.

..and peace and love will prevail..

Sometimes
speaking tru
feels real good..