All I want is peace of mind..

For so long I've been looking for a place where I can be me without being ashamed of it. I think I've found it.

Name:
Location: Zeist, Utrecht, Netherlands

I'm 23 years old, Dutch. I'm madly in love. I'm a thinker. I'm spiritual. I'm social, funny and a friend.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Lior - This old love

Yes, yeah we're movin' on
Looking for direction
Mmm mm we've covered much ground
Thinking back to innocence
I can no longer connect
I don' t have a heart left to throw around

Oh, and time moves on like a train
That disappears into the night sky
Yeah, I still get a sad feeling inside to see the red tail lights wave goodbye

We'll grow old together
We'll grow old together
And this love will never
This old love will never die

Well money slips into your hands
And then slips out like it was sand
And those shoes that you could never seem to fill
I've chased so much and lost my way
Maybe a face for every day
That so casually slipped me by

Oh, time moves on like a train
That disappears into the night sky
Yeah, I still get that sad feelin' inside to see the red tail lights wave goodbye

We'll grow old together
We'll grow old together
And this love will never
This old love will never die

Morning comes
Sometimes with a smile
Sometimes with a frown
Yeah so I never want to worry
If you're gonna stay around

So let's grow old together
Baby you and I will
We'll grow old together yea
And this love will never
This old love will never die

Yes, yeah we're movin' on
Movin' right along

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

It gets better.

I'm in the same situation as you are
Well, we share the break up part anyway
Me, exactly two weeks ago
You, nearly a year ago.
It came to me as a total shock as well
Loved her to death
Didn't even realize what she was trying to say at first
Then, asking me to move out of our house
I lost it all
My love
My life
The first couple of days
I felt sad, incredibly sad, and I cried until I had no tears left
After that, I felt numb, powerless.
Wished I had made some sort of mistake so that I could make something right again
Currently, I feal disappointed, pissed off at times.
I want to yell at her "how could you do this to me? Take away everything, walk away from me like that?"
But when I talk to her on the phone
the tears start to flow
and the both of us feel uncomfortable
so we quickly hang up
That's what my life with my love has degraded to
quick phone calls and texts
and lots of tears on my part.
Now this split is not in the public eye
nor did she cheat on me
so i can't even begin to understand the pain you're in
But I just want to let you know

You're not alone.
It does get better.

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Gone

She's gone.
She left me.
And I'm on my own.
She was the one for me.
She was the one I wanted to grow old with.
She was the one I wanted to marry.
I wanted to have her kids.
Now it's all gone.
I love her with every muscle, every vein, every bone in my body.
The pain is excruciating.
Like a hand squeezing together my hart.
We had so many plans together.
None of them will happen.
We were going to fulfill my biggest dream in a year or 2
Once I'd have a job, we'd save money and go to San Fransisco together.
That was my dream.
And it's gone now.
I don't see how I could ever hold someone, kiss someone, love someone
That is not her.
I threw away my pride.
I even begged her on my knees to take me back in the middle of the night,
next to her bed.
But she said it was better this way.
And all I want is for her to be happy
But what I don't get is why her happiness
is depending on my unhappiness.
I have no reason to live anymore
She was the reason I got through every day.
She made me grow
She showed me love
She showed me that I'm not made from stone.
She turned my world around.
I loved every second of my life with her.

And now it's gone.
She's gone.