Something I won't ever forget

Main set
Release
Go
Hail Hail
WWS
Whipping
DTE
Given to fly
Not for you
Wishlist
Even flow
Insignificance
Unemployable
Jeremy
Nothing man
Better Man
Corduroy
Why go

1st encore:
Comatose
Daughter/W.M.A / Another Brick in the Wall Pt. II (Pink Floyd)
Leash
Rearviewmirror

2nd encore:
No More War
Blood
Alive
Rocking in the free world
Yellow Ledbetter

Pearl Jam, June 28, Goffertpark Nijmegen

Magic
Heart ache
from a love and peace
I've never felt before.
Love
Peace
Rock 'n roll
All was there.
My heart aches
from longing back to something
i was longing for
for almost a year.
And yesterday night,
there it was.
Pearl Jam in the park
2 months of rain
wind
and cold
yet 1 day
more beautiful
than i could have ever
imagined.
2h15mins
yet it felt like 5 mins
I could have died right there
and i would have peace and love
fillng up my whole body and soul.
I breathed in the music
I breathed in the guitar solo's
giving me goosebumps
not wanting to breath out again
afraid that i would forget
what it felt like.
Eddie Vedder
Mike McCready
Jeff Ament
Stone Gossard
Matt Cameron
Boom Gaspar
I can't thank you enough
for teaching me more about life
than i could ever learn from
reading books and watching the news

THANK YOU

Moved to tears
crying
when longing back
and memorizing
a night i can't possibly
ever forget

When the music filled up
my body and soul
for once
i felt complete.

Another birthday; another visit from grandma

So much negativity
So much bad karma
I can't help feeling this way
and I don't think I'm strong enough
to turn that negative energy
into something positive
I want to look strong so desperately
that I'm only disappointed
when my weak me pops up again.

I can't help but
wanting to put on my running shoes and
run away
as fast as I can

The thing is
for a while things go well
and then we crash
we crash
and i go down the negative spiral
yet again.
i can't help but wanting to leave this negativity

behind me.

i'm so afraid
of the pain i'll cause
yet i'll die
if i stay


i need to get away
out of my toxic life.
away from the people
i've spend my whole life with
i love them
yet i despise them

i'm torn
between decency
and
(my) well-being.

So the strangest thing happened to me this weekend

Something you should know before reading: I'm in the closet pretty much. Only one friend vaguely knows that I might me gay (okay that sounds really lame but it's the truth).

So last Saturday 2 friends gave this party. There were several friends I was rather close to the last 6 years and some vague acquaintences. We hung at at L's house and later that night we cycled a bloody half an hour to go to this bar. The bar was packed so we sat down at a table suitable for 7-8 people with about 12 of us. Real cosy :-D . All at a sudden this guy E. (one of the vague acquaintences) bends over and asks me "so do you have a girlfriend?" Just like that. So I say "what?" hoping I took his question the wrong way. "You're a lesbian, right?" he asks and continues to say some other stuff that I don't pay attention to. "Uh-uh" I say and nod. 'Fuck' I thought, my brain working overtime and I got really shaky. My heart was beating like crazy and I desperately needed a smoke and a drink to calm down a bit (ok not such a good habit i know)
"(...)she said..or I guessed it, something like that" I immediately came back to reality. "Who?" I ask, but I already know the answer. Damnit.
The only person I ever confided it, believing she could keep a secret, had just blurted out such a personal thing I was not ready to share yet. She told it to someone I barely know and she didn't bother to tell me that. I mean, did she tell it yesterday, a week ago, a month? Fuck you, M.
Funny thing is I didn't feel any kind of anger or frustration towards her. I didn't feel anything towards her and I still don't. Guess I had suspected subconciously that she couldn't keep a secret.

He continues to ask stuff and talk about my gaynes; in a very respectful and understanding manner btw. I felt like such a coward, but I just couldn't look him in the eye. Blankly, I stared to the wall, listening to E and at the same time I tried to relax a bit and stop shaking, although my mind was working like crazy. So every once in a while I'd nod and say "yes, you're so right. That's true." blahblah but I just wasn't ready to seriously talk about the big fat homo I really am (ok so i've been watching the L word way too much lately :-D). Especially not with 10 other people around us.
So that's basically what happened. I was just so shocked! And i'm so confused right now. I just don't know whether I should feel happy that I blindly confirmed it when it was asked right in my face and that it's a small step towards being out, or that I should feel bad about the fact that this one person I barely know, while it's none of his business anyway, knows while I promised myself there wasn't any need to tell this group of people cuz I prolly won't ever see them anymore after next week. I'm confused :?

From the HRC newsletter

Hi,

You've got to watch this video. It was produced for Cyndi Lauper's True Colors tour this summer, and it's a pretty amazing testament to one of the most heartbreaking problems in our country today.

http://www.hrc.org/FightHate

Thousands of people are attacked every year because of their sexual orientation, and there's still no federal hate crimes law to protect them.

It would mean a lot to me if you could take a minute to watch the video and write your Senators, and then pass this along to your friends. Just go to:

http://www.hrc.org/FightHate

Shout out to the world

Until something changes, these voices need to be heard

From Rosie's Site:


OLYMPIA — Four months ago, Lacey resident Janice Langbehn, her partner Lisa Pond and their children Katie, David and Danielle, ages 10 to 13, were set for a relaxing cruise from Miami to the Bahamas.

But Pond, Langbehn’s partner for nearly 18 years, was stricken in Miami with a brain aneurysm and died. The family says the way they were treated by hospital staff compounded their shock and grief.

Langbehn, a social worker, said officials at the University of Miami, Jackson Memorial Hospital did not recognize her or their jointly adopted children as part of Pond’s family. They were not allowed to be with her in the emergency room, and Langbehn’s authority to make decisions for Pond was not recognized.

“We never set out to change the world or change how others accept gay families,” Langbehn told the crowd at the Capital City Pride on Sunday. “We just wanted to be allowed to live equally and raise our children by giving them all the same opportunities their peers have.”

While Washington is one of a half-dozen states to recognize same-sex partnerships in some fashion, Florida is not.

Compelled to speak out

Langbehn said that the pain from losing Pond is still fresh, but she spoke at the gay pride event Sunday because the issue of legal recognition of homosexual families was too important to let go.

“I want people to be able to hold their partner’s hand in their moment of death,” she said.

Pond suffered the aneurysm just before the R Family Vacations cruise ship left Miami for the Bahamas in February, Langbehn said. After Pond was taken to the emergency room, Langbehn said she was informed by a social worker that they were in an “anti-gay state” and that they needed legal paperwork before Langbehn could see Pond.

Even after a friend in Olympia faxed the legal documents that showed that Pond had authorized Langbehn to make medical decisions for her, Langbehn said she wasn’t invited to be with her partner or told anything about her condition.

She said she wasn’t allowed to see Pond again until a priest arrived to give Pond the Anointing of the Sick, also commonly known as Last Rites.

“I was shocked. It never would have been on my radar that we wouldn’t be allowed to say goodbye,” Langbehn said. “When I was an emergency room social worker at Mary Bridge (Children’s Hospital and Health Center in Tacoma), if someone had said they were an aunt or a partner, I would have let them say their last goodbyes.”

Langbehn says she still has not been given Pond’s medical records from the hospital nor her death certificate directly from the county or the state, which affected their children’s Social Security benefits.

But she has received support from the local community and from former talk show host Rosie O’Donnell, who has e-mailed her to offer support and said she was angry over the way the family was treated. O’Donnell’s partner, Kelli O’Donnell, is a co-founder of R Family Vacations.

Capital City Pride co-chair Anna Schlecht said that Langbehn’s story drives home the reason why gays and lesbians continue to lobby for national legal recognition of their partnerships and families.

“When Janice told me the story over the phone, I started crying,” she said. “Death is hard enough. I can’t imagine having my children barred from me in the last moments of my life.”

Langbehn said attitudes changed when doctors in charge of organ donation recognized Langbehn and Pond as a couple. They accepted Langbehn’s signature on the consent forms, she said. They also allowed the children to visit with their mother, who was kept on life support while organ matches were found.

Pond, who was a volunteer with her church and with the Girl Scouts, as well as a foster mother, wished to donate her organs because she wanted to continue to give to people after her death, Langbehn said.

“I heard from the heart recipient last week,” she said. “Now he’s able to play with his grandkids again and he definitely would like to meet our family.”

Venice Buhain
The Olympian

The times, they are a-changing

Everything used to be so perfect between us
Five girls who have known each other for years
formed a kind of sisterhood
since a year or two.
it felt so good...
until others came in our-correct: their-lifes
I feel threatened
The safety I felt
is long gone.
You know, I'm not afraid of losing my friends
it's just that I feel left out
it feels like this label of The Different is being pushed on me
harder and harder
it feels like i've become isolated
alone

and it sucks



it sucks.......

Cleaning out my closet -------Different

I've been watching American History X lately and it raised a couple of questions:



How can people be so ignorant?
Carry so much hatred in their hart?
Why are they not able to forgive and forget?
Why do people want to hate one another
when accepting and loving each other is so much easier?
Why do people want to climb the highest mountain,
climb a rocky path
when a beautiful road- the road of Love and Light- is paved right in front of them?
How can someone be so disgusted by one another, just because they don't look alike, just because they don't behave the same way, because they don't love the same, because they're DIFFERENT?
Why creating such bad vibes, why creating negative karma, when everything will come back to them triple folded?
Why not live in peace with each other so later you can look back being proud of oneself?

Why has the day in which black and white, poor and right, sick and healthy, gay and straight live together as one, a unity, hand in hand, yet to come?

Dreams

What's in a dream?
Do they predict what has yet to come?
Or are they just a lie?



It seemed so real
You and me
The world around us fading away
all that mattered
was me and you.
the bond was so strong
that nothing could break it
we were meant to be
we mattered
LOVE
filling up the air
filling our lungs
filling our hearts
filling our souls
We
were
ONE.
It seemed so real
that it hurts remembering
your touch
your beautiful face
your look
your kiss

it seemed so real

but it only was

a

DREAM