Joy and Happiness

The last couple of weeks
I more and more realised
who I am
and I started being proud of it
Not afraid to show the sides
my so called friends ridicule
I have other friends
real friends
who appreciate the
total package.
yup
i'm being harsh
but i've let people talk me down
for way too long now
and it made me
the dark, teary eyed
and insecure person
i am today.
and i don't like it.
gotta do something.
gotta remove all the toxins from life
but since i'm not in a position yet to do that,
i'll just distance myself from all the toxins.

Apologies
I appreciate them
but they don't really change my opinion.
You're a sweetheart,
you really are.
i've learned from you.
you made me feel loved.
i remember so well.

2002
you moved to the other side of the world.
2004
there you were, standing in front of my door.
i couldn't believe my eyes.
There you were,
continuing our old tradition.
You've probably never realized it,
but it made me feel loved
and it brings a smile on my face
just thinking about it again.
You learned me lessons about life
I gladly learned.
Yet maybe that chapter should be closed now.
maybe you're just not meant to be in my life anymore.
And that's okay.
I love you
as a friend from the past.
I will remember you
and think of you with a smile on my face.


I finally know I'm where I'm supposed to be.
Finally i'm allowing Life to bring me

Joy and Happiness

You is all you have.

It feels like there's
a knot in my soul
I don't know who I am
and who my friends are
anymore.
I keep continuing disliking
the people I've considered
being my best friends
over the past couple of years.
I feel bad for feeling that way.
But I don't like his childishness
I don't like here attitude
I don't like their likes
I keep getting annoyed by them.

No I'm not going on vacation to Bulgary
like the rest of them
How much I'd like to go
I know it's not good for me.
Hey, I know myself.
We are different
we'll all want to do different things
and I'm gonna give in
since you lot aren't going to
and I don't want a fight.
So I'll give in
make sure you lot
have a good time
ignoring myself
and feel like the smallest
and most unhappy fuck on this planet.

I'm not going through with that no more.
For once, I'll choose for me.
Sure you can call me egocentric
and I guess I am
But I'm gonna choose for myself
make sure I am gonna have a good time.
It's time to realise
my own happiness is equally important.

I deserve to be happy.

Build-a-Bear

Last Thursday a couple of hours before I had to go to Mary Ann's birthday, I went to the Build-a-Bear shop. It was Fascinating. I opened the door of the shop and immediately I was filled with love and happiness. Wow. I tell ya, when things aren't going well in your relationship, you gotta visit one of those stores and both of you will be filled with love for each other again! It's so sweet!!! All those teddy bears, all those kids, all those couples in love, and me and my friend trying to find a nice birthday present. Build-a-Bear. We bought a small and awesomely cute dog. I was filled with joy all day long. :)

www.buildabear.com

A year has passed

2007
a whole year has passed
sometimes it feels like yesterday
sometimes it feels like ages ago
since Jan 1st, 2006
I remember sitting alone in a park
with a friend
and bottle of beer
at New Year's Eve.
I didn't care where we went
as long as it wasn't home.
Happy New Year.
That sad beginning of the year
was like what the rest of the year would be like.
Alone.
Unhappy.
Dark.
Powerless.

Then I went to Germany in March
for a week
and the Germans came back in May
at my Birthday.
Didn't celebrate it,
why should I?
Plus, I landed my very first job
at a drugstore.

Summer.
Didn't go nowhere
I just stayed at home,
worked some extra shifts.
It was like I wanted it to be.

Unhappy.
Alone.
Powerless
God, so powerless.
That's how I felt
all through summer
and all through autumn.

Winter
well, I'm not sure of you can even call it like that.
There's no snow
There's no cold
There is though plenty of global warming..

Dec 31, 2006
I had a great time
with my friends
and their families.

If only the rest of this year
will be like that New Year's Eve.


All I need in 2007
love love love love love love love love love