All I want is peace of mind..

For so long I've been looking for a place where I can be me without being ashamed of it. I think I've found it.

Name:
Location: Zeist, Utrecht, Netherlands

I'm 23 years old, Dutch. I'm madly in love. I'm a thinker. I'm spiritual. I'm social, funny and a friend.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Viggo Mortensen and Eddie Vedder sing the revolution on a hot PDX night

by Kristi Turnquist/The Oregonian
Sunday May 18, 2008, 2:11 PM
Doug Beghtel/The Oregonian

Viggo Mortensen read and sang in Portland Friday night in support of Howard Zinn's "Voices of a People's History of the United Sates."
Friday night, the line outside First Baptist Church in downtown Portland stretched around the block. The still-blazing sun, on a day of record heat, blasted early birds as they waited for the doors to open at 7:15 p.m. In the crowd were children, teens, teachers, students, silver hairs, and babes in arms. Many wore tank tops, sleeveless shifts or shorts, revealing tender flesh abruptly liberated from winter layers, now reddened and sweating.

Despite the rivers of perspiration sliding down backs and foreheads, the mood in line stayed remarkably jolly. And the crowd's spirits were as high as the temperature. It's not every Friday night in Portland, after all, that mashes together, in one form or another, Viggo Mortensen, Eddie Vedder, Bob Dylan, John Reed, Cindy Sheehan, Billie Holiday, John Brown, Leonard Peltier and Malcolm X.

This Friday night event, "Voices of a People's History," featured famous actors, East Coast performers and selected Portlanders reading excerpts from "Voices of a People's History of the United States." Edited by Howard Zinn and Anthony Arnove, the book is a companion volume to Zinn's bestseller, "A People's History of the United States." As the title indicates, "Voices" collects speeches, poems, letters, songs and other testimony from figures both obscure and renowned.

As Zinn, a professor emeritus of political science at Boston University, writes in the book's introduction: "I want to point out that people who seem to have no power, whether working people, people of color, or women -- once they organize and protest and create movements -- have a voice no government can suppress."

The event, presented by Portland's Illahee Lecture Series, was already a hot ticket -- no pun intended -- because of the participation of Mortensen. The actor (best known as Aragorn in the "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy), in Oregon to film "The Road," adapted from Cormac McCarthy's novel, has appeared in a "Voices" reading in Los Angeles. His connection with Zinn includes Mortensen's narration of "What the Classroom Didn't Teach Me About American Empire," a video available on YouTube.

Taking advantage of Mortensen's local presence, Illahee added the "Voices" reading to its lecture series. "Our season is about why we believe what we believe," says Peter Schoonmaker, Illahee's president. "We thought this fit it, asking the question, 'Can you believe history? Do you believe these dissenters and activists, or do you believe the standard story?" And it's timely, Schoonmaker adds, in this political season, when voters are asking, "Do you believe in Barack or Hillary or John McCain, or none of the above?"

No doubt many in the sell-out crowd were on hand to hear the provocative, eloquent, sometimes inflammatory words of American dissidents. But there were also the starstruck women in flirty sundresses and strappy sandals, hair combed and shiny, talking and laughing among themselves, and it was impossible not to overhear the conversations.

"This was all over the fan club sites."

"I'm sure at least some of these people have read the book."

"Viggo is just such a hottie."

Once inside, the Viggo-gazers calmed down and paid attention to an evening of words from some of America's most incendiary advocates of revolution. Zinn's co-editor, Anthony Arnove, dedicated the evening to the memory of Howard Zinn's wife, Roslyn, who died earlier in the week. Then he surprised the crowd by bringing out "a friend to us all, Eddie Vedder." The singer-songwriter and frontman for Pearl Jam came out to thunderous applause, waved, and took a seat in the front pew.

The readers sat on a long pew at the front of the church and rose, one by one, for their selections. The words that rang through the church offered a revisionist view of America, as a land "discovered" with brutal exploitation by Christopher Columbus, its history woven through with oppression of the working class, minorities and the poor.

Portland poet and musician Trevino L. Brings Plenty quoted Tecumseh, a Shawnee leader: "white people came among us feeble and now we have made them strong...the white men are not friends to the Indians."

Lincoln High School student Sarah Levy animatedly read from Helen Keller's protest against U.S. entry into World War I: "Every modern war has its roots in exploitation.."

Mortensen, bearded, wearing jeans and T-shirt that said, "Make Art, Not War," read similar thoughts from Portland native John Reed, the journalist and Communist activist. In 1917, Reed wrote an article for The Masses magazine entitled "Whose War?" that opposed World War I.

"I know what war means," Mortensen read in a low, steady voice. "I have seen men die, and go mad, and lie in hospitals suffering hell; but there is a worse thing than that. War means an ugly mob-madness, crucifying the truth-tellers, choking the artists, side-tracking reforms, revolutions, and the working of social forces."

As his voice rose, parallels with current debates over war seemed to resonate among the audience. "Whose war is this?" Mortensen read. "Not mine."

"Not mine," echoed a voice in the crowd.

Sustained applause greeted Portland actor and teacher Eric Levine as he read from the 1918 speech that led to Socialist and union leader Eugene Debs' arrest: "Every solitary one of these aristocratic conspirators and would-be murderers claims to be an arch-patriot; every one of them insists that the war is being waged to make the world safe for democracy. What humbug!"

New York-based Shontina Vernon sang a blood-chilling version of "Strange Fruit," the classic condemnation of the lynching of African Americans that became one of Billie Holiday's most wrenching songs.

The evening reached an emotional climax with Michael Ealy, of the Showtime miniseries, "Sleeper Cell," reading from Malcolm X's revolutionary "A Message to the Grass Roots"; Mortensen singing, a capella, Bob Dylan's "Masters of War"; and New York performance poet Staceyann Chin reading, with explosive emotion, from Cindy Sheehan's "It's Time the Antiwar Choir Started Singing."

Then, Vedder went to the front of the church, sat on a chair, picked up a guitar and, after stopping twice to collect his emotions, devoted his song, "The Long Road" to Roslyn Zinn. "Without you," Vedder sang, "something's missing...Now I wish for you again/And the wind keeps blowin'/And the sky keeps turning gray/And the sun is set..."

When Vedder finished, the crowd -- some in tears -- applauded vigorously and went back into the hot Portland night.

Same Sex Couples Common in the Wild

Clara Moskowitz
LiveScience Staff Writer
LiveScience.com Fri May 16, 5:31 PM ET

As gay couples celebrate their newfound right to marry in California and opposition groups rally to fight the ruling, many struggle with this question: Is homosexuality natural?

On this issue, Nature has spoken: Same-sex lovin' is common in hundreds of species, scientists say.

Roy and Silo, two male chinstrap penguins at New York's Central Park Zoo, were a couple for about six years, during which they nurtured a fertilized egg together (given to them by a zookeeper) and raised the young chick that hatched.

According to University of Oslo zoologist Petter Böckman, about 1,500 animal species are known to practice same-sex coupling, including bears, gorillas, flamingos, owls, salmon and many others.

If homosexuality is natural in the animal kingdom, then there is the question of why evolution hasn't eliminated this trait from the gene pool, since it doesn't lead to reproduction.

It may simply be for pleasure.

"Not every sexual act has a reproductive function," said Janet Mann, a biologist at Georgetown University who studies dolphins (homosexual behavior is very common in these marine mammals). "That's true of humans and non-humans."

Some scientists have proposed that being gay may serve its own evolutionary purpose.

"It could be a way that you strengthen bonds - that's one hypothesis," Mann told LiveScience. "Another is that it could be practice for heterosexual sex. Bottlenose dolphin calves mount each other a lot. That might benefit them later on."

Marlene Zuk, a biologist at the University of California, Riverside, suggested that gay individuals contribute to the gene pool of their community by nurturing their relatives' young without diverting resources by having their own offspring.

One thing that does seem to be exclusive to humans is homophobia.

"It's a very interesting question as to why anybody ever cares," Mann said. "There are different theories about why people find it threatening. Some think it disrupts male bonds, like you're not playing for the right team. The funny thing is that people say homosexuality is unnatural, that non-humans don't engage in homosexual behavior, but that's not true. Then they'll say it's base and animalistic."

Humans' resistance to the idea of homosexuality extends even to research on the behavior in animals. Scientists who study the topic are often accused of trying to forward an agenda, and their work can come under greater scrutiny than that of their colleagues who study other topics, Mann said

"It's kind of a shame because I think that probably is a reason why people don't look at it more," Mann said. "That's probably why we haven't gotten further. You would think we'd know more than we do by now."

Thursday, May 15, 2008

My spiritual coming home.

It is probably my adolescent naivety, but I just can't imagine how people can just continue their lives like nothing happened after having been to a concert. I saw Sarah Bettens for the fourth time last Tuesday and I'm still completely overwhelmed. All I want to do right now is to think, talk and write about that show. I want to continue living in that moment. It feels like I'm living on a cloud right now and I have no intention to put my feet back on the ground. And when I get pulled off my cloud, by family, work or school it hurts like a motherfucker.
I want to play that show in my head again and again and again and relive every single moment of it. I want to relive that 1.5 hour of magic and rock 'n roll.
Just like the other three times, standing there in the audience, front row, singing (well, that's too much credit. i didn't sound that good) along made me feel like i was taken up in that moment and like everything came together. This is who I am and everything's exactly like it's supposed to be. I'm whole and I have reached my purpose in life. That's exactly how I felt last Tuesday. I had been counting the days for over a month, craving for that terribly addicting feeling. Man, it feels good.

I can watch that woman play for hours and hours in a row. She represents my world to me. Watching Sarah play makes my puzzle whole. All pieces come together and the picture they form is oh so clear. It's me.

Watching Sarah also makes some things painfully clear. But painful in a good way though. It's like she reminds me of my personal values and asks me not to give them up, how hard this might be some times.

And even though we're in completely different life stages, I can relate to her songs so well. Like the first time I heard Pave the Way I was shocked. I couldn't move, I couldn't think, all I could do was cry until I had run out of tears. The song cut right through my skin into my heart. It felt like she had taken a look inside of me and wrote a song about what she found in there. That's how I felt when I heard Pave the Way. I had been dying for her to play that song live last time I saw her, but back then she didn't. So you can imagine I was floating in space when she did play it last Tuesday.


As I said, I'm still not back with my feet on the ground and I don't want that either! This state I'm in feels like the highest possible state a human soul can reach and I love it. Nothing matters; I'm there, up there.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Sarah Bettens in Vredenburg, Utrecht

Oh my, what an amazing show it was yesterday night!! The band was awesome and the audience was great. Plus, no f-ing annoying photographers like in Heerlen last January.

The support act A Belladeer was nice, I loved their song about Matthew Shepard, it was beautiful.

Next was Woodface and they played a great set.
And then there was Sarah, for who we all had come! I was grateful when she immediately made a 'please stand up' gesture. I had grown tired of the seats already.

We had the best places ever as we only stood 2.5 metres away from Sarah and man, she rocked. I loved her shirt! (We came, we saw, we kicked some ass) (And for your information, there actually was some white in her belt; yeah I payed attention ;) )
The set was great, I had been hoping all day that she'd play Pave the Way and so she did so my day couldn't have been any better.

The little K's Choice reunion rocked my world! It's just magic to see Sarah and Gert (and the band of course!) together on the stage again.

I've had a wonderful evening and I can't wait to see you again in November!

Friday, May 02, 2008

Into the Wild.

Earlier this night I went to see Into The Wild; a movie brought to my attention because of its soundtrack, a wonderful cd that goes by the same title, made by Eddie Vedder. That cd gave me goosebumps listening to it the very first time. So I definitely had to see this movie. And I am glad I did, as it was the best movie I have seen in years.
Hearing Chris'/Alex' story opened my eyes. I felt like I grew out of my head, both spiritually and emotionally. It felt like the world around me faded away and like Emile and Jena were talking directly at me and if they were begging me to change my life now I still can.

I had never heard Chris' story before. In short, it's about a man who tries to seek his spiritual awakening by going 'into the wild' : he goes hiking to Alaska with barely any means to do so.
After 2h28m I was completely mesmerarized and my world stood upside down. I never said so many philosophical things before. It made me think about my own life as well.
Conclusion: I need my own journey to Alaska, I need my own spiritual awakening.

Christopher McCandless told me his story. His story is becoming mine.