Sarah Bettens in Paradiso, 2006

All there is to it

Somewhere I heard someone say that you have to love yourself first before you can love anyone else or expect anyone else to love you. That sort of became my motto. I just can't help but wonder now, how come my friend, who has way more and difficult problems than I have, can love and have a relationship with somebody else? What is it that she can that I can't? I know she doesn't really love herself. Yet she is capable of loving and being in a healthy relationship with somebody else.
So is the 'loving yourself first' stuff just bullshit? Did I hold on to that because learning to love myself is less scary than loving someone else? Did I just push the problem away by making up other problems?
I fucked up before. Does that mean I will fuck up again?

Inspiration, enlightenment, enrichment: all I need (and a little love would be cool too).

Every now and then I talk to someone, or listen to someone, or I see someone on tv, who just INSPIRES, ENLIGHTENS and ENRICHES me. And what's so great about it is that it can literally be anyone and they barely know what a big favor they are doing me! Most of those times I tell myself to digest all that stuff and think about it, but for some reason I always tend to stick my head up my ass and try to forget about it. I somehow seem to deliberately try to stop my personal growth at times. Which I think is pretty weird as I always want to learn about everything. Guess I get scared when they get too close.
Right now I'm doing it. Up until now I've done 20 other things than writing the blog i want to write. I even played Tetris against my competitive self. Just a minute ago I googled Anthony Lapaglia to see where I know him from. Turns out, I haven't seen anything he has played in.



Javier asked the question I've been asking for so long: Why do money transport cars have these huge "Money transport" signs on them?? Seriously, what's up with that? That's like asking "please rob me, please shoot me and take all the money! I just don't get it.

Sometimes I just FEEL the importance of something. I can't put a name to it but I just know that I have to do something with it. I can't possibly just forget about. Crucial information, food for the soul.

I try to remember the things people say. Most of the time I forget though. I also find people shamefully intriguing. I can have someone on my mind for days without being sure why. Of course, when it's a hot chick, that's self explanatory ;)
on a serious note though, I like to read people. I think í'm pretty good at it too. I like to listen to people's stories and find familiar ground.


Why
How
When
Who
Where
Why me
Why them
Why now

Question marks invade my mind every now and then. And I can't rest until I have found the answer. Young & restless.