So do you think I'm weird?

So do you think I'm weird, when I say that I simply can't face reality anymore? So do you think I'm weird, when I say that more than anything else, I just want to lay in bed all day, watch some unsignificant movie? When I read a newspaper article about a young woman who, struggling with life, hanged herself and her four children-aged 5, 3, 2 and 8 months-, do you think it's weird that I can't handle life anymore? When on a daily base innocent men and women are being killed in a meaningless war? When not even a 7 year old can be trusted, cuz (s)he might rob you?
It's not that I'm saying that the past was better, it was ..different.
Even though it's all so far away from me, this news knocks me over. Like a boxing glove in the middle of my face. And I fall and I can't get up anymore. I don't want to get up anymore. Afraid of the next punch. 1.2.3.4.5..I'm still k.o. on the ground. The World has won. Again.
The mother could have been my mother. The soldier could have been my friend. The 7 year old could have been my brother.
So do you? Do you feel the same? Or do you think I'm weird? Sometimes I think it should be good if more people felt this way. Yet other times I experience how peaceful and nice it can be to live in Denial.
And it makes me confused.
And very scared, when I realize that not always I have the solution.

All About Me

Happy Birthday
to me.
hmpf
screw it.
Don't want to celebrate no birthday
cuz i know what it will be like
cuz it's the same every year.
2005- 16th bday
2007- 18th bday
when others normally give big parties
to celebrate those milestones
of their youth
i sit alone in my room
not wanting to go out.
just wanting to go to bed
so that the day will pass.
The only day of the year
when it's supposed to be
all about me,
but you seem to draw the attention
to you all the time.
I know where you're coming from
but that doesn't make it right
I hate does days
when it's supposed to be

All about Me.

The Great Dictator

I was just watching this movie and I thought it was very interesting. I can't believe this movie was made in actual war time! Even though this movie is made over 60 years ago the message it sends, the barber's speech at the end, is still very actual nowadays:

"I'm sorry, but I don't want to be an emperor. That's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible; Jew, Gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone, and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge as made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. The airplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men; cries out for universal brotherhood; for the unity of us all.

Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women, and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me, I say, do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish.
Soldiers! Don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you, enslave you; who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel! Who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men - machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines, you are not cattle, you are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts! You don't hate! Only the unloved hate; the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers! Don't fight for slavery! Fight for liberty! In the seventeenth chapter of St. Luke, it is written that the kingdom of God is within man, not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people, have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy, let us use that power. Let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give youth a future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfill that promise. They never will! Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people.

Now let us fight to fulfill that promise. Let us fight to free the world! To do away with national barriers! To do away with greed, with hate and intolerance! Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness. Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us all unite! Hannah, can you hear me? Wherever you are, look up Hannah! The clouds are lifting! The sun is breaking through! We are coming out of the darkness into the light! We are coming into a new world; a kindlier world, where men will rise above their hate, their greed, and brutality. Look up, Hannah! The soul of man has been given wings and at last he is beginning to fly. He is flying into the rainbow! Into the light of hope, into the future! The glorious future, that belongs to you, to me and to all of us. Look up, Hannah. Look up!"



If only more people heard this message and saw this movie....

World War II memorial

May 4
Eight 'o clock
Two minutes
Silence.
Realizing
how many people
died
while fighting for their freedom
while fighting for our freedom
I came to the conclusion that
from now on
each and every day
I should thank the Universe
for being able to live in Freedom
for being able to live my life
All these years
I have taken Freedom for granted
never thought twice when
I gave my opinion.

Two minutes.
Silence.
While I take my Freedom for granted
A lot places on Earth don't have that Freedom
that's so normal for me.
The Middle East
people fighting
for the right to
live their lifes as they want to.
people dying
because they fight
for our first basic right:
FREEDOM.

Two minutes
to remember 5 years
of war
hunger
genocide
racism
suppression
High Society
and
Low Society
with the latter
not even being considered
society at all.
merely seen as
a stain.
HUMAN LIVES
experimenting on children
gassing babies
children
adolescents
man
women
mothers
fathers
grandfathers
grandmothers
Jews
gipsies
homosexuals
everyone who opposes the regime
put upon them.

2 minutes
to honor the people
who's life so abruptly ended
because they fought for
what they believe was right
for them
for us
Families torn
Lovers all at a sudden
torn apart
never seeing each other again
Mothers
without daughters
Sons
without fathers.

How can a war possibly
do any good?

Each day
i'll thank the Universe
for letting me be who I am
just because I like myself
the way I am.
Each day
I'll thank the Universe
for the thing I've taken for granted
for so long
For a word
carrying such a heavy load.

Each day
I'll thank the Universe

For my Freedom.

In response to my previous blog..

It's just that

"I want to go back to bed I feel much better there"

yet

"I still want to know what it's like to be a butterfly".



From: The Murmurs- Carry me home

I'm so scared...

After being disappointed
again and again
i'm just so afraid
to open up
to open my heart
to show the world who I am

to love
to live every day like it's my last
I want it so much
But I am so afraid
of being disappointed again.

I hate to admit it

But I'm so scared....

And what's the conclusion...

Life surprises me
time and time again

We you open your eyes
there are so many lessons to be learned.

Where did Civilization go?

February: Great Britain, 13 year old boy
March: Germany, 14 year old girl
April: Holland, 16 year old boy

Deaths
So unneccesary
So young
their future
abrubtly taken away
by some crazy ass.

Sometimes
all my hope in the world
and its people

just flows away...