Is that too much to ask?

Shortish
Chubby
Thin hair
Eye blinding white
Bad skin

Mother Nature wasn't that kind
when she made me
By no means I'm miss Perfect
I don't want to be miss Perfect

Just a little less chubby
A little thicker hair
A bit of a tan
and a clean skin
would be nice tho

I know real beauty
comes from the inside
So I try to shine
No matter how ugly I feel
I take a deep breath
Lift my head
Smile

But that doesn't take away
the insecurity

By no means
I want to be skinny
as all those models
you see in every magazine

By no means
I want to look like
Claudia Schiffer
everything perfect
I'd get tired of everyone
running after me
with their tongues on their knees

But hey, just a nice looking skin
So I can tie my hair up
and not having to worry about
those oh so visible ugly spots
would be nice for a change

Is that too much to ask?

Looking through old journals
Most of them terribly bad written
Some quite interesting tho
So why shouldn't I share?

Note: this is purely fictive
None of this happened to me
All suddenly
it was there
on my paper:


What about us
You just left me sitting alone
You didn’t answer the phone
What are we supposed to do
Where are we supposed to go
When you say it’s over

You didn’t want to talk
You only wanted to see my cry
But I didn’t give in
I was brave kept my eyes dry

That only made you more angry
Eventually you lost control
You hurt me badly
But I did want to come back to you after all

From the outside we looked so damn perfect
Romeo and Juliet we were called
But they didn’t realize
How much you’d hurt my soul

How much you’d hurt my body
How much you’d hurt my heart
It became so bad
That eventually it would tear us apart

You decided to leave
Had better things to fill up with your time
You had my body in your hands
But her image on your mind

What about us
You just left me sitting alone
You didn’t answer the phone
What are we supposed to do
Where are we supposed to go
When you say it’s over

I guess this is the better way
Still it doesn’t feel right
Cuz no matter all the things you did
I’ll still love you all my life




I remember the first time I met you
Couldn’t believe my eyes
Wanted to kiss you and feel you
My fingers would slide over your thighs

I had the wildest dreams
But they would never come true
You were way too perfect
How could you love me too

Couldn’t believe my eyes
When you walked over to me
You whispered sweet words in my ear
You were everything I ever wanted to be

We were meant to be
Together we were one
Time nor space existed
We had so much fun

Then there was the day
We told them about our love
How heaven alike it felt
Like you were sent from above

The looked at us disgusted
Their eyes filled with hate
Why do there always come bad times after good
Must just be my fate

Didn’t know them as good I thought I did
That turned out that day
As if I wanted to stay
I had to send you away

I guess this is the better way
Still it doesn’t feel right
Cuz with you in my life
It just felt so damn right

I'm a Dreamer

I found out
I have the gift
of closing myself off
from the world

the crowd may be
so big
buy I feel
so alone

Music in my ears
Music in my heart
Thinking about
everything that comes
to mind

My eyes see the crowd
But I don't see the crowd
The crowd doesn't seem to see me

I feel invisible at times
The first time I felt like that
I remember well
I got this strange feeling
in my stomache
I really believed I was invisible

I remember it so well
Halloween 2004
All dressed up
Cycling in the dark
to this Halloween party

I was wearing huge dark hippie glasses
It was difficult to see through them
It was difficuly for me to see others
So I believed it was difficult for others
to see me
Kind of the ostrich mentality
If I can't see you
You can't see me

I knew it couldn't be true
But still it felt so great
And I started to believe in higher powers
what if i indeed was invisible that moment?
what if others indeed couldn't see me?
I shook my head
Came back to reality
Took of my glasses

It happens more and more often now
I turn inside myself
Not hearing anything
but music and my own thoughts
While there's noise
everywhere around me

Sometimes I have to shake my head
and come back to reality

But most of the time
I love it
I cherish the gift.

I'm a dreamer.

Lucky

I used to hurry down the streets
Face down
Straight home

Never took the time
to look around
and see
what it all was like

Now the tide has turned
I take my time
Lift my head
Go for a ride
every now or then

and I look up
at the trees
at the birds
at the homes

and I realize
how beautiful
the world, my world, is

The sun shines
upon the trees
I see rays of light
shining through the leaves and twigs

The leaves are colorful
the birds are whisteling unconcerned
People coming home from work
cheerfully returning to their families

How come I never noticed before
How beautiful our world is?
Luck is in those small things.
Boy, when I lift my head
and look around

I feel lucky.

I'm learning

I'm learning to live
I'm learning to cry
I'm learning to have emotions
I'm learning to be human

I'm learning to show the real me
I'm learning how to be happy
I'm learning to open up

I'm learning to grow from happiness
to grow from pain
I'm learning what's important in life
and what's not

I'm learning to forgive
I'm learning to never judge
I'm learning to be strong
I'm learning to speak true
I'm learning to spread the peace

I'm learning to never shame
I'm learning to be proud of who I am
and the goals I've reached

I'm learning.
Everyday.

It's the gift.

It's the gift
which makes you who you are
it's the gift
that make people think you're nuts
it's the gift that makes me go just a little bit ashamed at times
but that same gift
makes me proud of knowing you
it's the gift
which makes you one of a kind
it's the gift
which makes you my special friend
it's the gift
which makes you superior to others
it's the gift
of knowing no shame
it's the gift
of being yourself.

Autumn

Every color you can imagine
the leaves are colored
red yellow green
together with the raindrops
on my window
this is the most beautiful image
i've ever seen

Memories, sweet memories

Looking through old pictures
This morning
Just because.

Memeories came back
Of some I wished they didn't
Of some I wished they did come back
But they didn't

Me feeding my baby brother
at 3 years old
reserved touching a goat
at 7
posing with James Bond at Madam Toussaud's
at 10
Acting like I was a model
at 12
Having a blast at a Hawaii party with our Danish guests
at 14
Dressed up as a hippie
at 16


Memories
Ah sweet memories


Too bad I only got so little photo's
I would have loved to see some more
Pictures
not videos
don't like videos a lot
at least, not when i'm the leading person
i can appreciate it
people laughing over me
as a kid
but picture
tell more
a screenshot
of a very particular moment
in the past

Pictures tell so much more than words
I think I'm gonna take some pictures now.

I like my girl

I like my girl beautiful
I like my girl cute
I like my girl funny
I like my girl listening
I like my girl talking
I like my girl opening up
I like my girl crazy
I like my girl addicted to music
I like my girl sweet
I like my girl experimenting
I like my girl spontaneous

But most of all I like my girl making me complete

Childhood memory

the other day
we had a good conversation
we talked about pictures
memories came up

i remember me
7 or 8 years old
in my red striped shorts
pink jacket
huge pink glasses
smiling
the way only a kid does

i remember me saying
i wanna go out like this
my parents didn't want me to
funny to realize
back then i already wanted to be different

did i want to be outstanding
noted in the crowd
or did i just have a terrible lack
of good taste

funny
to think of it again
analyze situations
with the knowledge you have now
i must
start remembering more
moments of my youth
maybe it'll make me understand better
who i am today

lies lies lies

The lying
gets easier and easier
that worries me

i can look my mum in the eyes
saying where I'm going and with whom
while I know this is not the case at all

I'd say I'd go to a friend's house
having fun
While I was going to the forest
trespassing
partying
with 20 others
half of them i didn't know

I know what to do
and what not
what's safe
and what's not

The only bad thing is
my mum doesn't agree
with the things I think I can do
and which not
the things I think are safe
and which not

So in order to pursue my need to go out
I lie
We didn't go to the forest, we stayed inside
There were no strangers, I knew all of them
I didn't drink too much, I only had a couple of beers
I didn't come home alone, my friend brought me

I hate the lying
but what can I do
I have to
I'll be able
to stop the lying
when I'm adult
and live
finally
on my own

2 more years
why do they seem to last
like a 1,000 years?

Happiness

Happiness is a choice
Again
I find so much truth in this
My life is standing upside down
by your words
in a very positive way

those lessons i've learned
i value them more than
anything else in the world

they inspire me
to spread the word

hence i'm saying:

it may not be tomorrow
it may not be next week
but if you try hard enough
you'll find the happiness you seek

Everyone's bisexual!

Recently
I worked out a theory
Everyone's bisexual

Shocking news for
conservative America
or those
lesbians to the bone

Don't we all say
You gotta love the inside
and not the outside

Then how come
so many women
only date men
and so many men
only date women?

People got a certain idea
of what's wrong and
what's right
For a lot of them
being gay
is one of the wrong things
and so they deny those feelings

But they only abstain themselves
from their possible
love of their life

maybe this explains
those contradictory feelings i have
always said to myself i was gay
to be sure
i dated a boy
he was okay
but i hated the physical part

still i'm sort of attracted to guys
when i see a good looking guy
i immediately say
he's hot!
and i think of what it would be like
dating him
and i get nervous talking to him

why
do i wonder
do i get nervous
if i'm gay?

is it just because
i always pretended to be straight
so this is just an
automatic response?

i don't know
i just don't know

nobody ever said life would be easy
suckers.

Always look on the bright side of life

Complaining about things
you can't change
is easy

Complaining about things
you can change
people don't do that often

the match was terrible
i thought
others should have done things differently
and i told them
not in person
but i made a general comment

i was one of the bad players
i didn't reasonably say to myself
try to do this or that a little differently
but i got mad and madder
i could kick myself

on the way back i said to myself
out loud:
stop being angry
stop being frustrated
yes the match was terrible
yes you and your team mates played bad
but why ruining the rest of your day
by being upset about it

don't think about it anymore
for the rest of the day
you can't change anything about it anyways

but don't forget it either
see the positive side of it
it didn't happen without a reason
use it
use it as an example
for coming matches
evaluate it
and decide what you are gonna do
differently next time

yes it sucked
but see the good thing 'bout it
always look on the bright side of life...

Complaining

complaining
why
should ya
keep bringing up
the things
already happened
why not look ahead
and use those things
you complain about
instead of pitying yourself
over them
who has got better from complaining
not me
not you
don't you think
those things
happen for a reason
you're supposed to do something
with it
not
about it
complaining
such a waste of time.

the truth within

I just can't seem
to forget you
we only dated
a couple of weeks
and we broke up
because you treated me
like shit

i was intimite with you
intimacy
a word few people
can relate to me

a word i can't relate
to me

is that the reason
i can't seem to forget you?
i liked you
wanted to taste your sweet lips
and now
i hate you
why?
hate is not a word
i want to be found
in my dictionary

Peace
has always been important to me
a motto
i used
Peace Love & Rock 'n Roll
Be Strong Speak True & Spread the Peace

Two quotes
I use to live by
and find my truth in
so why do i have such
contradictory feelings?
Why do my feelings react
totally opposite
to the feelings i feel comfortable with
having?

I just don't want to be reminded
of you no more
Can't you move to Africa or something?

Katrina

A girl with pain in her body
Fear in her eyes
screaming for her mommy

in vain she knows
but yet she doesn't want to know
and she continues screaming

crying
crying for those
well known arms around her
holding her
that peculiar look in mommies eyes
comforting her

the soft fingertips
caressing her skin
her voice whispering
everything will be alright
even though the fear -pangs of death- was clearly
visible in her eyes

she always said she'd give her life
to safe that one of her girl
Yesterday her words came true
Underneath the bricks of a collapsed house
they found the girl
barely alive
but still breating

Still breathing
Her mommies body laying on top of her
the girl survived this evil
evil made out of water
and wind

Mommy gave her life
to safe her little girl
Why is there such evil in this world
When will justice be a part
of our earthly existance
When will the day arrive
no one has choose
shall i die
or shall i let you die

Let me go

The letting go
is difficult
but 16 years ago
you knew the day would come

the day i'd say
please
let
me
go

let me make my own mistakes
and let me learn from them
protecting me from making any
doesn't make any sense

i'm not your little girl anymore
and no i'm not a grown up yet too
but please just remember
a long time ago
you were just like me

i know you mean it well
and i understand your reaction
but please i'm begging you
let me go
and let me learn from my mistakes

please
let me go
let me go
let me go

Be Strong, Speak True and Spread the Peace

Be strong
Don't give up
Fight for what you believe is right

Speak True
Say what you believe in
Be honest

Spread the Peace
give peace a chance
spread the word
a better world begins with
changing your own patterns

Thank you.

it all started
with a casual comment
karma
what comes around
goes around

yes i thought
it does
and now i'm a believer

it continued
speak true
be honest
love yourself
don't change for anyone
be yourself

be the wisest
don't yell back
when someone yells at you
what goes around
comes around

i realized that
but most of the time
i took it for granted
those wise lessons
i learned
from those wise persons
who could easily have been
you or me

it started
with a simple thread
on a board i regularly visit
thank you for your wise lessons
it said
and people appreciated it
just a couple words
meaning so much more
than words can describe

and i thought
thank you
thank you
thank you
thank you
for the wise lessons
you tought me

life has changed
in such a positive way
M, T
I can't say it enough
thank you
thank you
thank you
thank you
thank you
thank you
thank you
thank you
thank you.........

Voices...shouting...momma....screaming

Shouting voices
Mother's screaming over the smallest things
Father's stupid actions are the main source
for her screamings

Daughter doesn't clean up her mess
and didn't tell she's going out
coming saturday
daughter know she did
mother may just have forgotten

next day everything's perfect again
nobody seems to remember the previous day
but i do
i remember
and it only strenghtens my feeling
of getting out of this place
out of this town
far away

it's driving me mad
those terrible situations
momma's screaming
i want to scream too
as i used to
but i became wiser

me always having a big mouth
towards mother
when momma was shouting at me
I'd shout at her
Telling her how wrong she was

now i am crying
when momma's shouting at me
quietly i try to convince her i'm right
reasonably
but that drives her even more mad
and i turn my back
and silently i cry

I just so need to get out of here
I hate being so limited
just because of my age
age ain't nothing but a number
i'm an old experienced soul
in a young teenage body

The Da Vinci Code

My eyes are blurry
I feel an headache coming
But yet I continue reading
I can't put the book away.

I'm already halfway
Only 300 pages to go.
Wow.
This is the best book I've read so far.
This guy is a genius!

Respect
I have for someone
who can write this way
Captivate me with his writing
Doing years of research
to entertain me
and with me
millions of others.

I want that too.
Being able to captivate people
you don't even know
for hours and hours
inspiring them
entertaining them.

Wow.
That must be awesome.

Grave digger
When you dig my grave
could you make it shallow
so that I can feel the rain
grave digger






Grave digger- Dave Matthews Band

Teachers

Teachers.
They can make a child's life
and break a child's life.
Good teachers are so important.

When the child has a good teacher
It'll benefit the kid all his life
When the child has a bad teacher
It'll destroy a big part of the his life

People underestimated the value of good teachers
While nothing's more important.

We all are teachers.
Mothers teach their children what's wrong
and what's right
Children teach their mom how to be a good parent
and what's really important in life

Friends teach you how important
it is to have friends
to be able to open up to

Lovers teach you
How to love
and when to open up yourself

Lovers they come and they go
And you might not even realize
that they prepare you for what's yet to come

They make you think about
what you want in a relationship
and what not
what you like in a relationship
and what not

role models
they teach you how to be
who you want to be
and what the benefits are
of being who you are
and loving who you are

Teachers.
They can make your life.
Teachers.
They can break your life.

Do you?

You asked me if I'd like to come
You had made a cosy fire in the forest
and had a lot of booze
who else is there
i asked
uh no-one you said hesitantely

I really hope I'm wrong
But are you in love with me
Do you fancy me
Do you?

You truely are a funny guy
You're absolutely one of kind
You're even crazier than I am
I value our friendship
I think you're a great friend
FRIEND.

You never said it in so many words
But are you in love with me
Do you fancy me
Do you?

I could be totally wrong
Misinterpreting the signs
I know you like that girl
Although she didn't treat you right
You still fancy her
And we think you really are a great couple

But I just want you to know
I think you're a great friend
and a very funny guy
But I don't love you
I don't fancy you
I just don't.

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings
But I just thought you should now
Probably I'm just making a fool out of me
by saying this
But you should know.
anyway.

Outta here

I gotta get out of this house
I gotta get out of this town
I gotta get outta here

I've changed
But the people around me have not
The smallest things irritate me
and i feel like i have to get outta here

The prejudice, assumptions
arguments, asocial behaviour
make me want to scream
a shiver runs across my back

and i gotta get out of this house
I gotta get out of this town
I gotta get outta here

I want to get outta here NOW
Just pack my bags
and move
someplace else
across the ocean
and start a brand new life
get rid of all the toxic people in my life
there are way too many of them

i just want to scream my lungs out
can't you see how ridiculous you are?
start tolerating one other!

I want to get outta here
But I can't
This aching pain is driving me crazy
I gotta handle it
although i think i can't
i got to
it'll make me stronger

It will be hard I know
I'll be glad some people are out of my life
But I'll miss others terribly
my secret crush
man i love her so much
My friends
the ones I started discovering myself with
The ones who made me realize who i am
what i am

But I can't wait for the day
I can get outta this house
outta this town
outta here
move to the states
and start a brand new life

I can't wait for the day
to get outta here
outta here
outta here
outta here
outta
here....


I can't wait for the day
I'll feel like coming home

Some people
do everything for money
Selling pics of children
for huge amounts of money

it's just a child for christ's sake
can't you just respect the fact
a child is a child
and that it's just unappropriate
to make money over their backs

Her mama's clearly stated
they don't want their kids
in publicity
and we should respect that
it's their opinion
the child can judge for herself
when she's an adult

but until then
we should respect her parent's
decision
whether we like it or not

what's so special about this kid anyway?
she's just like every kid
of her age
only her mommy may be famous
and a pretty good singer

but let that kid just be a kid
out of respect
out of respect for her parents
out of respect for her.

Mother-daughter love

Mom Dad
I've had the most wonderful time
here with you
but it's time to move on
i'm moving.

the words parents dread the most
their little girl moving away
she can't make it on her own yet
they think
it seemed just a couple of years ago
their little girl started primary school

but little girls grow bigger and bigger
they start dating
exploring themselves
bringing over boys or girls
becoming adult

they start experimenting, finding a job
and before you know it
they move out
some are lucky
their baby daughter moves just a couple of blocks away
others are less lucky
their baby moves to the other side of the world

and how hard they try to make her change her ideas
they fail
their little girl has become a big girl
and makes her own decisions

and although their little girl
shows hardly any affection
mommy and daddy need to know
their little girl cares and will think of them
every day
from the other side of the world

she loves them
and no 10 or 10000 miles
can come inbetween that
mother-daughter love

Mommy daddy
the child cries from up above
I want you I need you
here right by my side!

Mommy Daddy she screams
Why can't you hear me?
Why can't you see me?
Why don't you answer me?
Mommy Daddy?

Mommy and daddy are crying too
over their lost daughter
Mommy Daddy she cries
don't cry up here I'm fine
Mom pop, although you can't see me
hear me
I see you
I hear you
And I'm watching you

And as the years go by
and she grows older and older
mommy and daddy are still crying at times,
but realizing their daughter is better off know
than they are in a world full of hatret and disrespect,
their tears shed

their little girl still cries at times
but knowing mommy and daddy
aren't crying all day and are trying to move on
Makes her feel a little better too
As long as she sees them thinking of her
every now and then
she know they haven't forgotten her
And her pain grows less.

"You did very well
You were very clear and original
You really did very well"

Funny how someone can make you believe
Something totally opposite to whatyou used to think

I used to believe angry men wanted to kill me at night
I used to believe I respected everyone and that I gave everyone fair opportunities
I used to believe I could sing and act
I used to believe in God

But then I got my nose pressed to the facts
there are no snipers out there trying to kill you - you'd see them from your window!
You're afraid of that person because he's from Turkey, Marocco perhaps
You're the worst singer I've ever seen
God is only made up by people to have someone to blame when things go wrong

I used to believe
I used to believe

Now I know better.

Respect

The ancient Romans
already knew it
treating others with respect
is goal number one

Because everyone is created by God
they said
Because you'd want to be treated
exactly the same
I say

You don't have to get along with everybody else
But just a quick "hello how are you"
can make somebody's day

Don't look down on someone
just because his skin has an other color
because someone has other beliefs than you
because someone dresses different than you
because someone's sexual preference is other than yours

RESPECT

that's what it's all about
respect

remember those days back in elementary school?
you look stupid in those clothes!
a child's honesty

Those days have long since passed
you might not even remember them
but do you want to bring those days back?
I don't like you because your skin's color is not like mine
I don't like you because you don't believe in the same God as I do
I don't like you because you don't look like the way I do
I don't like you because you don't love like the way I do

You can't be serious if you say
you don't mind

Respect

Treat others the way you want to be treated
Respect
Respect
The world would be such a nice place to live
if we all would just respect each other.
Respect is the keyword.
Respect.
Respect.
Respect.

Hippie.
Yeah I might be one.
Or not.
I love Janis
and Jimi.
They made music with their hearts.
I'd have loved to live in that era.

But I'm born 25 years late.
We can't turn back time
So I thought I'd bring that time back to now.
Peace rock 'n roll I'd give anything just for that.
But why keep people staring at me like I'm just
some crazy fool?

I'm just being me.
An old soul born in an era of modern technology.
Who do I hurt by being me?
I don't care about those funny looks I get.
I'm used to it.
I'm used to it.
I'm used to it.

I keep repeating that.
I'm used to it.
A long time from now
I decided that it wasn't worth
to pretend to be someone I'm not.
Life's way too short for that.

So I decided to be me and to not care
about what others thought about me.

But as I'm thinking
why do people waste so much of their precious time
by ruining someone else's life?

What kind of satisfaction do they get
from laughing at one other
just because that other dresses a tad bit different?

Because that someone decided not to go with the crowd.
Does that mean that person is weird strange pathetic?

How do they feel when one of those nasty comments
just left their lips
Satisfied because they tore someone down?

How do you feel when you create so much
bad karma?

Living as a child

Playing ball
Sipping lemonade
Afraid of the huuuuge dog

Only too happy
when able to play outside in the sand

Looking up to all those big
boys and girls
Wow I want to become one too!

And when I'm 12 years old
I'll dye my hair red
and buy leather jeans

The thoughts of a kid
unconcerned

If only we could live our lifes
as that kid

There'd be no war
There'd be no hate
There'd be no racial differences
There'd be no competetence

There'd only be a shortage of sandboxes

Having fun with friends

Last Friday night
Only with a couple of friends
we had a blast

Smoking drinking swearing
the sensation of burning wood

Trespassing
Doing the illegal
Afraid to get caught
is what makes it exciting

Raining soaking wet
We could have been warm dry
underneath a roof
having a blast in someone else's livingroom

But we chose to stay outside
Taking risks
Making a fire in the rain

Getting lost in the forest
Not finding the right place
Hearing scary noises
A serial rapist perhaps

Worshipping the fire
while it's all being filmed
The booze made me do it
So I have an excuse

Ashamed
but happy
Those memories
of those couple of hours
without sorrow without revenge
without hatret

Just a couple of hours
Not having to worry 'bout
Angry teachers unmade homework
Upset parents

Having fun with friends
Is the best way to spend your time

Memory

There's a memory
crawling up my back
seeping into my soul
jumping into my chest

I try my best to fight it
Although I know I already
lost the fight

I keep struggling kicking
fighting
against the pain
that memory brings along

I don't want to go
through all that
pain, shame, again

After being kicked in my stomach
Hit against my head
I realize I'll have to live with it
Whether I want to or not

This memory is part of my past
How much I want to I cannot
ignore it forgive it forget it
It's part of the past
Which made me who I am today