Random thoughts from the heart

For a long time
I thought all this
was fairly new
It had been inside me
for quite a while
But yet it was so new
So new
I wasn't even sure
that it was there
or that it was me
wanting it to be there

I told myself I always knew
I kept repeated that to myself
I always knew
I always knew
I always knew
I always knew
But when I really thought about it
I wasn't so sure
Did I know it?
Have I always been?
Or do I just want to be?

I've been doing
a lot of looking back
lately
that's what you get
with those holidays
surrounding you
i looked back
into my past
to find clues
to see if i had showed
the signals
when i still was
a sweet and innocent girl
not aware of the world
surrounding me

to my surprise i had
showed the signals
clearer they couldn't have been
the image is burned
into my soul
i'll never forget.

So it's true
my mixed feelings
had been based on
lies

I knew it all along
I have always been
It's not who I want to be
it's who I am