To be me

Like a big cold hand
sqeezing my heart
a shiver running down my spine
that's how it feels
that's how it feels to be me

follow me
into my world
sometimes i'm convinced it's better to be ignorant and not know who you are. Cuz what good does it bring to know YOU when you can't be YOU?

it's only now that i have come to know the intensity of life
and it's few moments of brilliance

And I know it's not just me who has to deal with so much shit- that would be a quite egocentric thought- but i do wonder why life throws so much shit my way all at the same time. I'm not some sort of superpower who can deal with all that. In fact, it drags me down that negative spiral I was finally climbing up again.

Just a day without the constant realization that I'm hiding the real me would be great. Just a week without other people's shit would be nice.

And I'm so scared..



Tonight I'm going to see Sarah Bettens. My first encouter of that sort with someone like me. I can't wait and yet I'm scared to death. Can I handle meeting someone like me? Can I handle meeting someone who more or less knows what it feels like to be going through all the stuff I'm going through? Truth is, I don't know. I'll just have to wait and find out; maybe I'll actually meet someone like me there. And maybe we could just talk and talk..and maybe then i could even say the words out loud..maybe.



Maybe.



God, I'm scared.