Christmas Day.

She mourns
she can't stand being alone
she talks to the walls
while i desperately want
to be on my own,
celebrate
on my own.
It's Christmas
and I'm ashamed of myself.

I don't want to dress up nicely while I'm not going nowhere
I don't want to sit on the couch all day, talking about people I don't know
I don't want to behave like they want me to
I don't want to agree with them and suppress my own opinion
I don't want to pretend to be happy while I'm feeling grumpy
I don't want to keep repeating that I love grandma, while I'm not even sure that I do

Why can't Christmas be
Sitting on the couch in my pyjamas watching tv
Eating a hundred different sorts of Christmas snacks
Singing Christmas carols on my own
Not talking when I don't feel like it
Sleeping in until 2 p.m.

I'm so fed up.
But I keep telling myself
1 more year...
1 more year...
1 more year...
1 more year...
1 more year...
1 more year...
1 more year.................