Big ass puzzle

Slowly
One by one
the pieces are falling
together.

This big ass puzzle
called "My Life"
has an uncountable amount
of pieces
(or that's at least
what the box said)
and it's the most difficult
yet most interesting puzzle
that exists.

One by one
the pieces fall together
and some parts
of the total image
are beginning to make sense.


I never believed
someone could be turned
gay or straight
it's in you
you're born this way.
But I do believe
there are factors
which strengthen
those feelings.

My youth
My family
They are/have been
definitely a big influence
on my sexuality
I just came to realize.

I always knew
I was "The Different"
but it wasn't until
a couple of months ago
that I realized why
I'm more comforted
dating cute chicks
than those cute guys
I use to hang around with.

My dad
or rather
my sperm donor
as he's more that
than my actual father.
I never connected with him
Never loved him
or felt loved by him.
The only emotions
he could/can evoke
are anger
and fear.
annoyance mostly too.
Fear.
i'm afraid of him.
i'm fucking afraid of my own dad.
He doesn't love me
He doesn't love my mum.
How can they possibly expect me
to love
while I have never seen that kind of love
or felt that kind of love
that bonds one soul with another?

Now the haze over
the image in the puzzle
fades away
now i know
who i am
and why i am this way

no wonder
i'm afraid to love
or just don't know
how to.
no wonder
i'm afraid to commit.