rattling ramblings

Our family went to the beach today. I went along as this will probably be the last summer I'll have the chance to spend this much time with as family as next summer I'll prolly be busy with preparing for my fresh man year at college, getting my driver's licence, and movig out. Plus, I just like going to the beach and I have been busy for hours finding a new bikini yesterday so I just had to got to the beach, no matter what.
Anyway, we went. We'd go by car to Noordwijk, a place approx an hour or so away from here. Vainly, I hoped my mum and dad wouldn't argue about the route we'd had to take, as that's always the case and it always ends up in the two of them fighting. I don't like it when my dad is angry/aggresive when he's driving our car. I have not forgotten that little incident when I must have been 9 or so. My dad got angry with my mum when he was behind the wheel and the next moment we were swinging from the left to the right of the road. Even though it was on a Sunday morning on a lonely road, I didn't like him and got scared of him. As he grew older, his aggresive behaviour became less, but still I don't like him much and I don't like being in vulnerable situations with him, like when we're driving on the highway and he and my mum are in a fight.

So, we went to the beach. As my dad couldn't find the right way and my mum and he ended up arguing, I just put my music louder and louder to not hear them. "Everybody has to fight to be free". Oh yeah I'll have to fight to get out of those situations and finally get alive. And I will.

After 2 hours, we finally found an other beach, this time in Wassenaar. Wassenaar is a very rich town with the richest people in the country living there. Go figure, me and my fam between all these fancy peeps. But it wasn't like that at all. In fact, there we're not so many local people, most of the people were Germans.
We found a place and we lay down. Then we had a great laugh because my brother had some toilet paper sticking out of his pants. lmao i felt sorry for the boy. We laughed and I put on my music.
After a while my mum asked if she could listen to it as well. "Sure" I said and I let her hear my music. As "Christmas in America" came on, we had a conversation about Melissa, my mum asking how she was doing after the cancer. This was nice, but awkward as well, as I don't like talking about M with my mum that much. You know, the gay part. *rolls eyes* Not that she disapproves of it, not at all, but because she might find out her own daughter is gay too. Not ready for that yet.
Anyway, we had fun and I'm sure from the outside we looked like a happy carefree family. And we were, those coupla hours.

On our way back suddenly, I came to the realization how awkward my day had been. It had started with me being incredibly annoyed by my fam, almost crying in the back of our car, wanting nothing more than running away from them, as hard as I could and as far away as possible. The next moment we looked like a happy lil family.
Awkward how twisted life can be.

Note: this might all sound very dramatic, but I'm sure it's not all that bad. My fam loves me and I guess I love them too. Nothing really serious has happened in my life, I have never been abused and I am grateful for that. Many others have not been as fortunate as I was.
This is just how things feel like for me and if it looks like I've taken things out of perspective and that I'm overreacting, I probably am.