Tears of happiness

Lately
seeing love and happiness
brought tears to my ears
more and more often.

tears of joy.
tears of pain.

seeing this higher place
spreads such intense peace
throughout my inner me.

yet at the same time
i feel the hole in my heart
growing bigger and bigger.
i cry more

tears of joy
tears of pain.

My heart aches
for the love I never knew
the love
I never wanted to know.

Now my ego has grown too big
It's too humiliating to change
to openly love.
I'm not proud of it
But that's who am I
and it hurts.
I cry more

tears of pain.

But I've realized
before it was too late
that it's time to change
I can't carry on
any further
like this.

I'm pushing away
the one thing
I long for the most
with my only 17 years of age.

I've realized it
It's not too late to change
I AM changing
and I cry
some more

tears of happiness.